I once heard a very poignant and moving interview with an author dying of cancer. He said to the question of “Why me?” he often responded with “Why not me?” His feeling was that he had lived a wonderful, fulfilling and successful life and felt “you can’t be winning at everything without occasionally losing at some things, too.”

I feel I’ve got a pretty great life, but, unfortunately today was my day to lose. Although I was well out of the so-called risky period, the first trimester of pregnancy, I learned at the doctor’s that we had lost our baby.

It’s been a rough couple of months with this pregnancy. Early on, I was hit with a nasty virus that turned into pneumonia. I went through two rounds of medication to treat it because it wouldn’t go away. There were many days I would cough so hard I would throw up because the pneumonia and the pregnancy nausea made a vicious pair. I spent some time in the hospital. But through it all, the ultrasounds continued to show the baby was fine and developing normally. I felt if he/she could make it through that, then anything else going forward would be a breeze.

But it didn’t work out that way. And who can say why things took a turn this way now? Unfortunately, these things are common in pregnancies, about 25 percent don’t make it. But I think the most difficult thing in my circumstance is how far we had come, and through so much, only to have this happen.

So, for now, the future remains unclear as to the eventual size of our family. But I look at the children I have now, and my wonderful husband, and know, despite it all, I am blessed.  And because of that, regardless of hard times like this, in spite of the inevitable crap that gets thrown in my direction sometimes, on most days, I’m still winning.

This entry was posted in Parenting, This doesn't make sense, You can't have it all. Bookmark the permalink.

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